• 1 large color television
• 2 pounds cream cheese
• 1 container twigs and dirt
• 1 oz despair
• pinch salt

Using hot spatula, coat head an neck with cream cheese.
Set aside two long sturdy twigs.
Coat top of head with remaining twigs and dirt.
Allow to dry until cream cheese, twigs, and dirt have formed a crusty shell.
Insert long twigs into ears, twisting firmly.
Throw salt into eyes.
Inhale despair through nose.
Force head through television.
Repeat until done.

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