All of the material on our website belongs or is licensed to us and is protected by copyright laws or is not licensed to us and is not protected or is stolen and is protected but those protections are a quaint anachronisms or is stolen and licensed and the illusion of security has become pure ideological theory, existing as a cloud of pre-conscious mythology.
This means that you may:
- Print off or download a copy of any page or extract of our website for your personal reference provided that you always acknowledge that we (or anyone else named on our website) are the True Authors of material on our website, unless the material is stolen. In which case you must lie and claim that we are the True Author, and you must become a party in our crime. By reading this, you have already agreed to these terms. It is too late for you to back out now.
- You may also ell others about our website and draw their attention to it, thereby increasing the depth of your sin.
- You may not modify the paper or digital copies of any materials you have printed off or downloaded in any way. Paper is sacred. You may not ever do anything to paper. God sees you.
- You may not use any illustrations, photographs, video or audio sequences or any graphics separately from the text that accompanied it.
- You may not use any part of the materials on our website for commercial purposes. That would be piracy. Which is the same thing as murder.
Hacking and other offences
It is a Criminal Offence to misuse our website by:
- Knowingly introducing viruses, trojans, worms, logic bombs or other material which is malicious or technologically harmful;
- Trying to gain unauthorised access to our website, the server on which our website is stored or any server, computer or database connected to our website.
- Attacking or trying to attack our website via a denial-of-service attack or a distributed denial-of service attack.
We will report any such misuse of our website to the relevant law enforcement authorities and we will co-operate with those authorities by disclosing your identity to them. In the event of such misuse your right to use our website will cease immediately, because you will be in jail. You will be beaten to death in jail. You will die alone in jail. You will not get to use our website any more. Think about it.
We will not be liable for any loss or damage caused by:
- a distributed denial-of-service attack
- other technologically harmful material
- material that may infect your computer equipment
- material that may infect computer programs
- material that may infect data
- other proprietary material due to your use of our website
- other proprietary material due to your downloading of any material posted on it
- other proprietary material due to or on any website linked to it
Access to our website
We reserve the right to withdraw or amend our website without notice. We will not be liable if for any reason our website is unavailable at any time or for any period. From time to time, we may restrict access to some parts of our website, or the whole of our website, to users who have registered with us.
Changes to our website
We aim to update our website regularly, and may change the content at any time. If the need arises, we may suspend access to our website, or close it indefinitely. Any of the material on our website may be out of date at any given time, and we are under no obligation to update such material.
Information about you
Linking to our website
You may link to our home page, provided:
- you do so in a way that is fair and legal
- you do so in a way that does not damage our reputation
- you do so in a way that take advantage of our reputation
- you must not establish a link in such a way as to suggest any form of association
- you must not establish a link in such a way as to approval or endorsement on our part where none exists.
- You must not establish a link from any website that is not owned by you.
- Where our website contains links to other sites and resources provided by third parties, these links are provided for your information only. We have no control over the contents of those sites or resources, and accept no responsibility for them or for any loss or damage that may arise from your use of them.
- Our website must not be framed on any other site
- You may not create a link to any part of our website other than the home page.
- We reserve the right to withdraw linking permission without notice.
- If you wish to make any use of material on our website other than that set out above, please address your request to the guy who is beating you to death in jail.
Jurisdiction and applicable law